March Madness, why do we love you so?

Why is March Madness so popular? I awoke this morning and came to my computer screen with my huge cup-o-coffee, like I do every morning, and clicked on the Internet Explorer icon. My homepage is Yahoo. Every morning I look at the top news headlines on the left side of the page about one-third the way down.

So, on this morning, the first crazy-exciting day of March, instead of the news headlines they had the NCAA Men’s Division I Basketball Tournament scores (when I wake up it’s about noon or so). So why is March Madness so popular?

Could it be because of the teams? The dominant no.1 seeds, the overrated no.1 seeds, the sneaky no.4, 5, 6, 7, or 8 seeds, the consistently tough no. 2 and 3 seeds, the cinderellas (which according to the latest motivational bell-ringing Nike commercial, shouldn’t be labeled cinderellas because they work hard). Or is it the true grit of the entire season, the heart of each and every coach and player and fan and relative and reporter?

I think we love this madness so much because we love to consider ourselves witnesses. Do you remember where you were when George Mason exemplified the cinderella? Where were you last season when the little school that could, Virginia Common-Wealth, upset the powerhouse Duke? We love to be witnesses. We love to see a player’s and coach’s heart left on the court and a fan’s tear on the seat. We love this madness because we love to see teams die hard.

Decision 2008: Kobe v. LeBron

The definition of the Most Valuable Player award is, simply put, if you were to remove that player from the team, how would that team play? Well, if you were to remove Kobe Bryant from the Los Angeles Lakers, they would undoubtedly drop out of first place in their division and probably not make the playoffs. Now if you were to do the same thing with LeBron James the Cleveland Cavaliers would also fall out of playoff contention. So, who should be NBA’s 2008 MVP, Kobe or LeBron? Let’s look at the stat sheet.

We’ll start with LeBron. He’s averaging 30.6 points per game, 8.1 rebounds per game, 7.6 assists per game, 2 steals, 1 blocked shot and 40.6 minutes per game.

Kobe is averaging 28.3 points per game, 6.1 rebounds per game, 5.3 assists per game, 2 steals, .5 blocked shot and 38.4 minutes per game.

LeBron’s numbers are better in the most prominent statistical categories. So should he be crowned the most valuable player? I don’t think so.

Under LeBron’s leadership, the Cavaliers are 35-26 and will definitely make the playoffs, most likely as a number four seed. The Cavs are second in their division trailing Detroit and have a division record of 5-3. The Cavaliers play in a weak Eastern Conference and have a conference record of 19-14. If LeBron is the MVP that many are speculating him to be, why are the Cavs not at the top of their division?

Under Kobe’s leadership, the Lakers have the league’s best record at 43-18 and are headed for the no.1 seed in the Western Conference playoffs. The Lakers are in first place in a division that consists of a playoff-bound Phoenix, 40-21 and an eighth-seed-bubble team, Golden State, 37-23, that upset no.1 ranked Dallas in last year’s postseason. The Lakers have a division record of 7-2.

So, I ask again, who should be the NBA’s 2008 MVP? Well, it’s definitely not an easy decision, more of a Gore v. Bush decision that is too close to call, but I’d have to give the prestigious award to Kobe Bryant with a potential recount in the near future.

The RRDP

Attention! Calling all competitive parents living out their athletic-shortcomings through their children, I have solved your problem and spared not only your dignity but your child’s humiliation. I call it, Royal Rumble for Disgruntled Parents, or RRDP.

RRDP will be adopted by all sporting events, including chess, ranging from the pee-wee leagues to varsity high school athletics. At halftime, intermission, or any other midway point that allows for a break in play, unhappy parents who feel obligated to vent can do so as long as they sign a waiver. Parents who volunteer, and sign that waiver, will then be asked to come down from the stands to the center of the playing field or court or rink at which time a ring with padding and boundaries will be set up to comfort any body slams, choke slams, rock bottoms or other vicious slams.

The length of the RRDP is limited to the length of break that the individual sporting event allows and if a winner is not decided by the time provided, the match will resume play after the sporting event has reached its conclusion, which would also provide the remaining RRDP volunteers for a break, a strategy process, and add more disgruntled motivation from witnessing the second half.

The RRDP will be refereed making sure no illegal blows or moves are used. Illegal blows or moves prohibited are, biting; private-part grabbing, twisting, pulling and hitting; and no hair pulling. Also, there is no body-padding or gear allowed, just parent versus parent. Tap-outs are allowed and must be adhered to. There is no limit on the number of volunteers and no gender, race, height, or weight qualifications, if you can scream and embarrass your child you are welcome.