The RRDP

Attention! Calling all competitive parents living out their athletic-shortcomings through their children, I have solved your problem and spared not only your dignity but your child’s humiliation. I call it, Royal Rumble for Disgruntled Parents, or RRDP.

RRDP will be adopted by all sporting events, including chess, ranging from the pee-wee leagues to varsity high school athletics. At halftime, intermission, or any other midway point that allows for a break in play, unhappy parents who feel obligated to vent can do so as long as they sign a waiver. Parents who volunteer, and sign that waiver, will then be asked to come down from the stands to the center of the playing field or court or rink at which time a ring with padding and boundaries will be set up to comfort any body slams, choke slams, rock bottoms or other vicious slams.

The length of the RRDP is limited to the length of break that the individual sporting event allows and if a winner is not decided by the time provided, the match will resume play after the sporting event has reached its conclusion, which would also provide the remaining RRDP volunteers for a break, a strategy process, and add more disgruntled motivation from witnessing the second half.

The RRDP will be refereed making sure no illegal blows or moves are used. Illegal blows or moves prohibited are, biting; private-part grabbing, twisting, pulling and hitting; and no hair pulling. Also, there is no body-padding or gear allowed, just parent versus parent. Tap-outs are allowed and must be adhered to. There is no limit on the number of volunteers and no gender, race, height, or weight qualifications, if you can scream and embarrass your child you are welcome.